The Art of Sharing Space

“8 KIDS”

This was the license plate of our Country Squire Station Wagon growing up. Yes, I was number five of eight, so it was no lie. The motivation behind the tag name became obvious only after we got pulled over.

My father at the wheel, my mother to his right, me in the back seat, observing the officer trying to follow a short snippet of my parent’s story (excuse) for running a tad late, and over the speed limit. Surprisingly (or maybe not) we were often given just a sympathetic warning wave goodbye and sent on our way. That tag was not only a great conversation starter, but a creative way to get out of a speeding ticket.

We become the hands that once held us.

Fast forward some 46 yrs later, I am now in control of the wheel. To my right, my strong and vibrant 97-year-old mother, telling me everything I am doing wrong. Maybe it’s time I get a personalized tag for a bit of sympathy from those around me.

"1MomOnBd”

A car ride is a bit of a metaphor for relationships; it mirrors how we roll together in everyday life. There is always one who is steering (steady), focused on the path ahead, and who truly enjoys being in the driver's seat, and the other, often the one doubting the competence of the driver.

When I am alongside my dear, adorable mother, I am reminded how that child in me is still in the back seat, very present (and striving hard to be pleasant) and just as observant as she was way back then. Quite naturally, and instinctively, my mother puts the mental hazard lights on whenever her child takes the wheel, whether it be in the car or the kitchen.

While in the car, should I ask her to turn her head to see the beautiful bird or sunset out her window, she has a hard time looking while I'm driving. Although I find it funny, I respect and accept it. I recognize this is less about me and my driving ability, and more about her comfort level. I must say, the cute cacophony of remarks from her are the same whether we are in the kitchen or the car:

Wait! Stop! Noooo! Watch!

God bless her. She is doing what she did all of her life; leading and steering her child(ren) straight and always being their guiding light. I have told her many times that she is my personal assistant and navigator; getting me where I need to be — safely. For this, I remain grateful.

Role reversal is not a burden, but a quiet honoring.

But the truth is, if we both stay in our designated lanes, follow the signs and yield to the one who has the right of way, we have a good chance of getting to our destination, calmly and comfortably. Most importantly, staying awake to what is around us, and what comes out of us.

To see the forest but no trees, leaves or color, is a sad situation because we will be blinded to the beauty that lies right before us. To share space without being attentive to the details; one’s words, behaviors, positioning of objects or our opinions, can lead to a bumpy and uncomfortable (possibly even unsafe) ride ahead. So, I choose to

Follow these Directions:

Respect

the age gap

Remember

the lesson learned from each argument

as you walk away

Recite

daily prayers morning and nite

Return

to a place of peace before sleep

I am reminded, every waking hour, that our vehicle (aka relationship) requires routine maintenance, deep cleaning, and a full tank of gas at the start of every new day, if we want to make it to tomorrow. Recognizing that just being together, in the same shared space, whether it be a car or the kitchen, is, in itself, the gift.

The key to sharing space is giving room.

The reflexive knee-jerk reaction we all have when we hear a parent tell us what to do, what to wear or what to say, is clearly rooted in our childhood, and if I want peace to prevail, I really have one choice, that being, to respond versus react, and this requires a conscious effort.

The Roadmap for Promoting Peace

Listen

with your heart

Lead

with love

Breathe

before barking back

Thanking them

for their view/insight

Beneath every forest floor, trees are quietly trading places and sharing spaces. Through their vast root systems and delicate networks underground, they send one another nutrients, signals, and support. What looks like separate, towering individuals above ground is, in truth, a living web of exchange beneath ground.

In much the same way, our lives are all intertwined; what we give, what we receive, and how we share space sustains more than just ourselves, so we must cultivate the environment we choose to live in and be selective in who we choose to do life with.

The walk through the forest is best when barefoot.

Our roots may be one, but it is our individual heart, and the choices we make, and the energy we put out into the world each day, that determines how effectively we breathe, live, and love. And ultimately, it creates the climate of the space we share, day in and day out. Removing the narratives that have followed us since childhood, is necessary, if our goal is to grow closer and in peace and harmony.

I have absolutely no regret for taking the wheel. We both agree to ensure the other is safely buckled-in, the air is just right, and we know just when to shift gears in the event we suddenly need to pull-over for obstacles on the road. Savoring the love will save and enhance our lives together.

When the space between us is rooted in Love, we don’t grow tired of one another, we simply Grow.

🌳 🚘 🌳